Buy linen лену/лен некондицию, Ukraine

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Two meet. One, with a huge bruise on his face, is pulling a huge suitcase.(//tractor-service.com)
Pointing to the bruise, he says to his friend:
- That's me, my grandmother scratched like that.
- Yes, if my wife touched me with a finger, she would not live in this world.
- It's understandable. What do you think I'm carrying in my suitcase?